Luke 21:5-19
2010-11-10 — Most people think that Jesus is referring to the destruction of the Temple by Tiberius Caesar. However, if you take away every second word in the King James Version of this text and then rescramble the remaining letters according to a secret algorithm, you’ll see that he’s really predicting the recent decision by the San Francisco Board of Supervisors to ban all toys from fast food children’s meals which every five-year-old knows is a sign of the coming apocalypse.
BIBLE PASSAGE — When some were speaking about the temple, how it was adorned with beautiful stones and gifts dedicated to God, he said, “As for these things that you see, the days will come when not one stone will be left upon another; all will be thrown down.” They asked him, “Teacher, when will this be, and what will be the sign that this is about to take place?” And he said, “Beware that you are not led astray; for many will come in my name and say, ‘I am he!’ and, ‘The time is near!’ Do not go after them. “When you hear of wars and insurrections, do not be terrified; for these things must take place first, but the end will not follow immediately.” Then he said to them, “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; there will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and plagues; and there will be dreadful portents and great signs from heaven. “But before all this occurs, they will arrest you and persecute you; they will hand you over to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors because of my name. This will give you an opportunity to testify. So make up your minds not to prepare your defense in advance; for I will give you words and a wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to withstand or contradict. You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, by relatives and friends; and they will put some of you to death. You will be hated by all because of my name. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your souls. — Proper 28, Series C
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Copyright 1999 - 2004 James Wetzstein, except the bible of course. All rights reserved.
Careful you’re going to get hordes of angry John Hageeites down upon your head if you’re not careful.
Bring ‘em on P.D. We ain’t skeered.